When dreams die...and are reborn

The past few months I've been thinking a lot about my dreams. I participated in a discussion group as we read through a book called Dream Culture. I typically don't have trouble dreaming, both in the daytime and a night, so reading the book didn't pose as much of a challenge to me as one might have expected. I often take steps to put feet to my dreams and have been a firm believer in taking action and not sitting around wishing something would happen to me. With that being said, the issue I have dealt most with in terms of dreams is what to do when dreams die.

For many people who have taken risks to pursue a dream, having a dream fail can result in a lot of disappointment, confusion, and doubt. There comes a point when one has to decide whether or not the sacrifice to achieve the dream is really worth it or if it is time to give up altogether and pursue another dream. One begins to wonder if  they were wrong for thinking they should pursue the dream in the first place and if it was all a big mistake. 

These feelings of doubt and confusion are ones that I have had to face often in my life in recent years. Living in a city where everyone is here for the purpose of pursuing a dream can feel daunting at times. There is so much competition to be the next best ____, fill in the blank, and you start doubt your sanity for ever thinking you could be that somebody who overcomes all odds. There's a bit of insanity in all of us that dare to dream I think, because for anyone that has actually achieved their dream, there certainly had to be a lot of blood, sweat, and tears that got them to them there, and to constantly get back up on their feet when life knocks them down over and over again takes a lot of perseverance and faith that one day the wall they've been pushing against will finally come crashing down. 

I've come to realize that dreaming is not for the faint of heart. But I don't think there's anything worth giving more energy and guts to than our dreams. I've accomplished dreams before, and the feeling that you get when finally crossing the finish line of your dream so to speak, is one of sheer happiness and completeness that nothing else can give. In that moment all the hard work and preparation that got you there suddenly seems so small in retrospect. And so you dream an even bigger dream and start the process all over again. 

Recently, I've had a dream resurface in my heart that I once gave up on, feeling like it just wasn't meant to be or maybe that is just wasn't the time. I made a choice to pursue some other things for a while and kind of bury that old dream. But I feel it showing its head again and I am filled with fresh hope that this may be the time for that dream to come alive. There is a time and a season for everything under heaven, and I think we're about to enter a really beautiful season. 

As I've been reflecting on these things, I ended up writing a poem yesterday. I thought I would share it with you :) 

Awakening

There is nothing, only darkness. And silence sits like an eager hawk awaiting its prey in the spaces that fill the emptiness of my chest hollowed out, quenching all sound

All is quiet

The eyes of my soul look up to the heavens as a vision of light slips through the door to awaken this heart grown cold and dark from time spent alone in its chamber.

Its beating pulse once turned silent now begins to reverberate so deeply within rhythms that cannot yet be comprehended

And longing stirs

Reawakening the dreams forgotten is the pain of an unkind ache coming to make its home

Settling like a fog that nestles the rocks on the shore of a lake at dawn, it slowly caresses the hardened flesh like the breath of a whisper infusing life into the soul of its hearer

There is more...

Like air inside a balloon inflating the lungs with pure oxygen it ignites the faintest of flames with its friction 

A burning sensation warms the flesh that is no longer numb as the pounding dream beat sounds in a tangible syncopated rhythm growing louder and louder, shaking the walls that kept it enclosed for so long

It is alive 

Walking on Water

It's crazy how drastically our lives can change in a matter of a moment. How so many choices we make suddenly all culminate at once and the course of our lives is dramatically changed forever. I've experienced that moment only a few times in my life, and it always seems to happen when I'm making a big life decision. The truth however, is that there are actually hundreds of smaller moments of decisions being made that have led up to that particular life-changing moment. Our futures and destinies are actually being decided every day by the little decisions we make, like what we give our attention to, how we think, and how we spend our time. 

I don't know about you, but I've found that in my life there are times when it is easier to make decisions and times when it seems increasingly more difficult. In those more difficult seasons, it's almost as if I can sense the weight of each and every decision I make, and so I almost become paralyzed from fear of making the wrong choice, or rather, settling for something less than what I could have chosen if I had only endured a little longer. 

It's in the latter season that I find myself presently, and I'm admittedly not very excited about it. Because it's not fun. It's hard, and confusing, and it's uncomfortable. As much as I know in my head that I should be excited about it because it means I'm growing and maturing, what I want to do in reality is exactly the opposite. I want to bury my head in the sand, or anything else equally as lame, as long as it doesn't involve making any kind of decisions. Most days I find myself completely motivated to do all the things on my heart to do, but today is just not one of those days. 

I wish I had some wise words or advice to give that might help those of you who find yourselves in the same boat. But the reality is, when Jesus calls you out onto the water, you have to do it on your own. Nobody else can walk on water for you. And that's the truth we all have to face in our lives at some point. As scary and uncomfortable as it can be, it's the only way we can move forward. I only hope and pray that you and I have the faith to listen and get out of the boat when it's time. Because I don't know about you, but I don't want to stay in the boat where I've already been. I want to go to new places, and I'll do whatever it takes, even if that means walking on some water.

Only boring people get bored

Hello world! After a very long break from blogging, I am officially back and at it again. I'd rather not get into all the nitty gritty details of the past 2 years--there's so much to tell I could probably write an entire book about it--so instead I shall start from the present and just fill you in on the historic details whenever needed for the purposes of telling this present story. What say you, shall we begin? 

First off, let me just say I have so missed writing! Somewhere between de-boarding the plane after 4 months abroad, moving back to LA, and finally landing a job, I seem to have grown so consumed with life that I forgot to share it with you all. Sad, I know. I mean how could you have possibly lived without my crazy life adventures to entertain you? Surely you must have wept hours and hours from such a loss, and for that I am truly sorry. But my friends, please take heart, for I have not forever left you in your sorrowful state as I have many a new story to share with you. And I realize that may come as a shock to you. Many of you are probably wondering how my life now could possibly be as interesting and entertaining as my life of traveling, but I assure you, it is. 

I've come to realize the truth in the saying that only boring people get bored. In the same way that we are all given the opportunity to do something interesting with our lives, life has the potential to be a wild and crazy adventure, whether you're working a regular 9-5 at a job you hate or you're living you're dreams of exploring the world and taking in the most beautiful scenery you could ever lay eyes upon, it all depends on us. Now I'm not trying to ignore the fact that life has a tendency of throwing us curve balls now and then or completely knocking us on our faces. Believe me, I've been there, just last week actually. And in those times, sometimes all you can do is sit there crying and nursing your wounds. To a certain extent, that's all good and healthy. But there comes a point when you have decide whether or not you're going to take all the hard things life throws at you lying down or if you're gonna stand up and keep pushing forward. Will you choose to believe you are a strong individual who has the strength and courage to endure, or will you choose to be a victim of circumstances you will never be able to fully control? 

I hate to be another resounding bell, but it's really all about perspective. I remember countless times when Colton and I were traveling through Europe when something wouldn't go as planned (in the rare occasion that we actually had a plan I should add). Something would happen like a train strike in Cinque Terre, Italy on the day we were supposed to leave, or getting stuck in a small town on Easter with no place to stay and no way of leaving, or even getting out bags stolen in France. There were so many circumstances that we couldn't prevent (and admittedly some that we probably could've) and each time we had a choice of how we would react. I'd like to say that we always chose to face any given setback with a positive attitude and a sense of humor, but I know that wasn't always the case. However, I do remember pretty early on that no matter what happened, we always ended up coming to the conclusion that, well, at least this will make a good story! 

Having that attitude I think is what really got us through some of the hardest times. We didn't ignore the fact that sure, some aspects of traveling are just not very fun or glamorous, but knowing that we had a story to tell gave us the perspective that one day we would be on the other side of whatever obstacle we faced and when it was all said and done we would look back and laugh at our present misery. Because at least it made a good story. I wonder how different our day to day lives would be if we took the same approach? We would say sure, I may not be where I want to be in life right now, but at least I'll have a story. This isn't the end. And even though it's hard, I'm not going to give up because one day when I'm looking back at the crazy things that happen to me I'm going to let out the biggest gut-busting laugh you've ever heard. Because it will actually be funny. When we see things in retrospect it's amazing how small they seem. The things that once stressed us out and made us angry are not that important any more. They don't even make sense in light of where we're standing in the future because we've made it to the other side. And we know how good it is. 

I am sure a lot of you, if not all, can relate when I say that sometimes life is just downright difficult, especially if you're living in city like Los Angeles. There are days when I wonder if this is all worth it. If moving all the way across the country, away from my family, to one of the most expensive places to live was just a big mistake. It may be years until I am able to answer that question, but for now I'll take comfort in the fact that if nothing else, at least I'll have a pretty good story to tell one day. Besides, isn't that what we all really want anyway?

Changing like the leaves...

It is October, and though I usually find myself becoming more cheerful around this time due to the rising expectation of the holidays that are now swiftly approaching, this year is slightly different. But come to think of it, I am different. 

Not until I finally came back to this familiar environment, the place I now call home, the city that so holds my heart no matter how many other amazing places I go, I hadn't really understood how I had changed. But somewhere between leaving for the adventure of a lifetime and returning to this place I call home, something happened. 

I'm not sure when exactly I started noticing it, but I suddenly find myself more calm and relaxed in situations I would normally feel extremely uncomfortable in. I can't say this feeling has made it's way into every part of my life, but it certainly has transformed a large part. For instance, probably the biggest change I have noticed is that when I make a mistake or get blamed for something I didn't do, it no longer stresses me out. I can finally put things in perspective and give myself room to grow, and FINALLY not take myself so seriously. I'm human. I'm going to make mistakes. And it is OK. It's just one more step towards accepting myself for who I am, and honestly, I think I'm finally realizing that it's not my job to make everyone else happy. I can't control their attitudes toward me or their own lives. And not everything is my fault. As long as I feel confident in who I am and am able to accept myself, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I control my own peace, and they control theirs. For anyone that really knows me, you can probably grasp how HUGE that is for me. And I'm happy to finally be in this place. It just took 22 years to get here...

On another note, I think the main reason for my a bit less-than-cheerfulness at this time could be my lack of social life as of late. But I know it just takes time to get plugged in again. And come to think of it, I have been really really blessed by so many people welcoming me back home with open arms. I keep telling people I feel like I'm home. And I do. I have so many amazing people in my life, but the thing with living in this city is that all relationships take intentionality. With everyone working different schedules and doing so many things at once, it really takes a lot of planning and work to make relationships happen. But I am up for the task! I know I need people in my life, and they need me. So it's gonna happen.

And now I have to brag for a moment. Amazingly, and truly a gift from above, I was blessed with a job within a week of moving back! It was really unexpected, but I am SO thankful for it. I finally have a steady source of income, the one thing I could not seem to find the last time I was here, and that alone has lifted a HUGE weight off my shoulders. And I guess I should mention here the amazing deal we got on our apartment. It's so big! And so affordable! And we found it within a day of looking, which is pretty much unheard of. PLUS, I got my new yellow volkswagon beetle I have affectionately named Daisy, also at a much reduced price. Does God provide or what? It's sort of ridiculous. Ha.

As I continue to decorate our new home and get adjusted to LA life, I think I will start to feel more settled. We've actually accomplished quite a lot in the past few weeks, so I guess I just need to remind myself of that when I start to feel overwhelmed. I am so glad to be here and I know without a doubt this is where I am supposed to be. Traveling with my brother is probably one of the greatest experiences I've ever had, and I know I will cherish it forever. I learned so much about myself and about the world that I never expected to learn, but I know I am different because of it. There are so many stories I will get to tell for the rest of my life, and only Colton and I will ever totally understand because we were the ones to share it with each other, like so many other things in our lives. Remembering all of the crazy things that happened has really made me want to write a book... Blogging during our travels really wasn't enough. So many things happened that I never had time to share, and now I want to! I think that may be my next big endeavor... :)

There is a season...

It never ceases to amaze me how life continues to change, and how no matter what I do to prepare myself for that change, I can never be 100% ready. And my number one strength according to Strength's Finder is Adaptability. Do you see something wrong with that picture?? Cuz I do. I mean jeepers, even though seasons are always changing, the seasons themselves stay the same. Shouldn't I have a hang on this thing by now?

If you haven't already guessed, I am referring to my much anticipated, and now quickly approaching move back to Los Angeles. It's funny how all of my hopeful and positive thoughts suddenly dissipate days before the big move. Everything I once thought a certainty only a few weeks ago, I now seem to be doubting, and fearing. But I've known this fear before, and I know it won't keep me from what I have planned to do. Because I know in my heart of hearts that I really do want to be in LA and that as soon as I hop off that plane, the familiar feeling of being home will settle in my chest. It's just getting there that's not so easy...

Because once again, probably due to my adaptable self, the time I finally start to feel settled in I am once again picking up and leaving. Amazingly, I actually had a lot of fun working at the fair last week. I absolutely loved working the window the one day I got to, even though it takes a lot of energy and brain power to mentally add up people's orders and remember what they got. I even relished the chance to say "do you want fries with that?" because that's always the line for someone who's ended up at the bottom of the barrel, and I clearly should not want to be there. Saying it was like smacking that line in the face. And working the grill wasn't as bad as I thought either. Thankfully the weather has been cooler so it wasn't completely dreadfully hot standing over the sizzling grease-cooked burgers and bacon. When it got busy, we cranked out sandwiches like pros. We had a system, and it was flawless.

A lot of jobs can be made or broken by the people you work with, and luckily, I got to work with some really fun people. Whether I was listening to crazy stories about the 70s while cutting peppers and onions, getting my leg pulled by countless tales told while grilling, or goofing off with Mr. Cheese (our affectionately named slice of cheese that was flung on the wall behind the grill), there was rarely a dull moment. And along with a great experience, I also reached my goal of making enough money to pay for my security deposit and first month's rent when I move back to LA.

I'm nervous to move again because of the dreaded task of searching for a job. I got a lot of great experience last year in LA, but I still don't think I've found the job I feel like I was created to do. Though I am definitely closer than I have ever been. I'm just hoping and praying I find it really soon because without it, it's really difficult to set goals for my life and to have vision for where I'm headed. And being a visionary, I really need vision.

Despite everything else, I am still really excited to move back to LA. I have a feeling this time is going to be different. I've grown a lot over the past 9 months and learned more about myself and what I want than I expected to, and I'm ready to fully dive into life in LA. It's time. It's that season. I'm ready.

It's that time again...

Time for yet another transition. I've been back in the US for 3 1/2 weeks now--enough time to start to start feeling a bit settled in my room again and adjust to living out of a closet instead of a backpack, to have found a summer job, to start missing my travels in Europe... and to start planning my next move.

After being in Europe for 4 1/2 months, I was not in the least bit ready to come home. I had finally gotten used to being on the go, always planning my next move, always discovering a new place. I wasn't ready to come back home, back to reality, where the questions about my future were always lurking somewhere off in the shadowy distance. I wasn't ready to think about my next step. As stressful as traveling can be sometimes, I much preferred it to the stress of figuring out what to do with the rest of my life.

But my plane ticket was already purchased (more than double what I paid to get to Europe) and I was getting close to being broke, so sort of had no choice. I bid a sad farewell to Spain, promising to return to the Mediterranean in the future, and feared what was to come on the other side of the Atlantic.

I was never more surprised by how good it felt to be back in the US when I landed in Washington DC on July 26th. Not only did the customs officer show me sympathy when I told him about my passport getting stolen in France, but over and over I was struck by how friendly Americans can be--and how not friendly Europeans can sometimes be. Despite the bad rep Americans tend to have in Europe, and all the obnoxious American tourists I frequently shook my head at, I was never more happy to call America my home than at that moment. After being away for so long, I guess I had gotten used to always feeling a little out of place and the constant tension of never knowing if I'm breaking some sort of European custom or social standard. Stepping onto US shores, I suddenly felt all that fear and tension melt away, like a warm blanket wrapping itself around my tired and heavy shoulders. And it felt so good to be home.

The first few days I thoroughly enjoyed not having a plan. I slept as late as I wanted, I ate whatever we had, I watched TV, and I unpacked my backpack. But soon I couldn't ward off the daunting task of figuring out my future any longer. I had to pick myself up by my bootstraps and get the ball rolling, as heavy as that ball may be. So I started looking for apartments. And searching for jobs. And long story short, Colton and I decided to move back to LA September 23rd and rent an apartment together.

I still have no idea what job I'm going to aim for. I've literally changed my mind about every day. The nice thing about working with HelpX in Europe though is that I think I can now literally be happy doing anything I decide to do. And I finally don't feel uptight like I have to have a specific plan of how I'm going to get to where I want to be... even though I'm still not even sure where that is. I think I'll just take it one day at a time. Maybe get a regular job that pays the bills and then see what I can do in my free time. I literally don't know. I just know that wherever Colton and I decide to live, it's going to be for a long time. I think we're both tired of moving all over the place and want to finally feel settled somewhere. And at least we know we want to be in LA, where we already have a community we can be a part of.

I'm excited to move back. I can honestly say that there is no place I would rather live and invest my life in than LA. People either love it or hate it, and I'm with the LOVE IT gang. LA is where I feel most like myself. It's where I call home. So despite the questions that still linger in the air, I know LA is where I want to be and where I plan to spend the next few years, whatever I end up doing. Even though I may not have a plan, at least I have a home :)

Living the Traveler Kind of Life...

It always feels like it has been such a long time since I last blogged, but that's probably because there's so much that happens within a week's time that I could literally write for hours. So, where was I?... After leaving Como, we hopped on our next train to Verona, where we were met by yet another couch surfer. He was an athletic 37-year-old math and physics temp, and though he spoke very good English, he had a hard time understanding us. Nonetheless, he showed us around the cute city of Verona, the setting of Shakespeare's famous play Romeo and Juliet. (It also happens to be where some of the scenes from Letters to Juliet were filmed--mainly Juliet's balcony and the wall with all the letters stuffed in the cracks, which I was sad to find is purely fictional :/)

Since our couch surfer was into windsurfing, I had asked if he would be willing to take us with him one day to brush up on our skills. Bad idea. On our second day, we headed up to Lake Garda to go windsurfing. Sadly, it was super windy and freezing cold water (even though we wore wetsuits), that after only 20 minutes I was done. I'm not as good as I remember being... haha but afterward, Matteo (the couch surfer) took us to a cool German restaurant where we had HUGE pork legs and some of the best fries, which made it all my frustrations of trying to surf disappear. I'm realizing that a lot of wonderful experiences traveling have to do with food. It's probably one of my most favorite ways to experience a culture :D We finished off with some amazing tiramisu and headed home.

There are times in life when something suddenly happens that sort of pushes the pause button on the present your present state and forces you back into reality. The night after windsurfing was one of those times. After logging onto Facebook and reading some posts, I found out one of my closest friends from Point Loma passed away. Raegan Summer Pratt. I was shocked. I still am. It's difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that she's gone; it just doesn't seem real. A greater part of that probably has to do with me being here and not in California, and I have a feeling it's going to really hit me when I get back. Right now it feels like I'm in denial.

Raegan was the sort of person that really lived life to the fullest. And I know that can sound cheesy and redundant, but when I think about all the times we were together, I'm struck by how Raegan always seemed to live in the moment. If she wanted to do something, she did it. She didn't wait around. She seemed to thrive on spontaneity and doing things just because she could. I remember so many times just riding around in her mint blue mini cooper, singing at the top of our lungs, and driving anywhere we wanted to go. It didn't matter where, we just went. We laughed a lot, and we talked about things we couldn't talk about with anyone one else. We knew each other and we loved each other like sisters. Even talking about Raegan in the past tense feels strange because she still feels so alive to me. It's different than when my sister passed away. In a way I feel less sad because this time I have so many good memories, and I don't regret anything in our relationship. We were always real with each other and there's nothing I feel like either of us didn't get to say to each other...which is sort of a rare thing in a relationship I think. I feel like I could share so many stories about Raegan because there's so much I would love to tell... but I think I would need some time to do that, maybe once the reality has sunk in a little more... but I definitely will do that at some point.

After hearing the news, the next morning we left for Venice, and I felt in no mood to explore a new city. Thankfully we had booked a campground just outside Venice, so we spent the day doing laundry and resting, since I was so emotionally and physically drained. And then I got a bit more news... Mom and Dad were going to meet us in Paris! Even though I was excited, I felt an even heavier weight on my decision of whether I would stay with them only a day before heading home to Raegan's memorial service, or if I would skip the service to stay with them the whole time. I wish with all my heart I could have been in two places at once, and I'm still sad that I couldn't go to Raegan's service, but I wouldn't have missed being with my family in Paris for anything.

When we did finally explore Venice, it rained on us. But we trudged through the streets anyways and got lost. I liked Venice, but it was really touristy, and seemed to lose its charm with so many people crammed into the tiny streets looking through all the shop windows. I think I might like it better in the off season... Our second day, we took a boat to Murano and looked at all the glass shops and glass makers, and then to Burano, a cute little fisherman town with lots of colored houses. The last day, I got sick from eating raw salmon and spent most of the day in our hostel throwing up and feeling miserable. Thankfully, by the time we had to leave, I was feeling much better.

We took a cheap flight to Paris through Ryan Air, a sort of janky company, but totally worth it for the price, and finally got to the flat Mom and Dad rented out for the week at about one in the morning. I was so happy to see them! We were a little hungry so we went to the cafe across the street from the flat to get some food. It was a cool little nook that was decorated to look like a Swiss or German cottage, and they had the best French onion soup I've ever tasted! Which is saying a lot since I don't typically love onions.

Mom and I spent the next day riding around on a double decker bus (very touristy, I know), but it's a great way to get a feel for a city and to learn a bit of history. We had lunch like the Parisians do, sitting elbow to elbow, facing the street so we could people watch. In Europe, people openly watch you, but even more so in Paris. Cafes are filled to the max with people sitting side-by-side facing the street. It's great! Free entertainment :)

We spent some time riding bikes as a family, through Paris, and also in Versailles where we did a bike tour through the gardens and walked through the palace, which was kind of disappointing. There were so many people stopping to take pictures of Marie Antoniette's bed chamber that the traffic of people walking through the palace was backed up into the previous three rooms. Kind of ridiculous!  I actually thought the Opera in Paris was much more beautiful. Mom and I took full advantage of the photographic opportunity and had our own little photo shoot haha. I needed some girl time! And Paris is full of great places to shop, so of course we spent a few days doing that. Paris is such a cool city, probably my favorite one so far. Even though there are so many people, it's has this charming feel, with the beautiful gothic architecture, the cafe lined streets, and the sparkling Eiffel Tower. And in nearly every grassy area you see the locals hanging out with their friends sipping wine and having picnics. They also love to hang out along the river for sunset. It seemed like community is a big thing in Paris, and I wish LA was more like that. People don't seem to live life revolving around their jobs. They definitely work, but they take time to be with each other and enjoy life at the same time.

I was sad to see Mom and Dad leave, and on our last day Colton and I went to Giverny, a nearby little town where Claude Monet lived and painted. I thought it was a little overrated. The gardens were beautiful, but very small, and there were WAY too many people there. So what did I do? I took an early train back and did a bit more shopping! :) I spent the last hanging out on the lawn around the Louvre and watching the sunset. It would have been perfect if I wasn't missing my parents already and if I hadn't been creeped on by some guy walking by, staring me down. Some people...

Anyway, our next stop was Bayeux, a quaint town in Normandy, one of the only villages that was left undamaged by the D-Day Invasion. Our first night, we walked through the town and then checked out one of the war museums and the British cemetery. Someone had told me once before that the French aren't very fond of Americans, probably back when Bush was president, but I've found it to be the exact opposite here. Everywhere we've been so far, the French have been very friendly to us. I think a lot of it is because they remember how Americans helped free France from Nazi control. Reading about D-Day in the museum and seeing the graves of the soldiers made me think a lot. One, I think it's amazing how complete strangers can fight for the cause of another person, another country that is suffering. All you need is a common goal, a common belief, and it won't matter who you're fighting alongside, as long as you're fighting the same enemy. It also made me think about the war in the Middle East. Unlike WWII, where there was a clear and present evil to be fought against, sometimes I'm not so sure we know what we are fighting against, or even for, in this war. How do we know we've made any progress? Yeah, Suddam and Osama are dead, but how do we know when the fighting has been worth it? I don't know...

I was really moved as I walked through the British cemetery. The standard white headstones were ingrained with the soldiers name, date of birth and death, age, and a message chosen by the soldier's loved ones. They said things like, "Safe in the arms of Jesus," "Known by God," and something like "Greater love hath no man than this, that he shall lay his life down for his friends." That last one really hit me. I felt the reality of how much had been sacrificed by those who fought in the war, and those who knew someone who did. And I felt grateful for their sacrifice, for their lives. Because of them, my world is different today, and I'm thankful for what they fought for. There lives are a gift to me and to the generations to come.

 We spent a day riding on bikes to the D-Day beaches, which stretched out for miles and were almost completely vacant. It's crazy to imagine what took place on those sandy shores almost 60 some years ago. It looks so peaceful and calm today, you would never think so many people lost their lives there.

After Bayeux, we stopped in Rennes for a couple days, where we literally did nothing. We didn't think there was much to see, so after spending a day at Mont St. Michel, which was a cool castle looking monastery on a super tiny island crowded with tourists, we hung out in our hotel room. In Nantes, we stayed with couchsurfers, who were awesome. They were our age and they were super hospitable. One night we got invited to the girl's mom's house for dinner, where we ate homemade galettes, basically salty crepes. And they showed us around the city, including a cool museum where they have lifesize mechanical animals, like an elephant the size of a house that walks and sprays water out of its trunk and that you can ride on. I didn't particularly love Nantes, but meeting our couchsurfers made it worth it.

Then we stayed in Tours for two nights, with another couchsurfer our age, and had a blast! He invited us to a musical festival that was taking place that week and featured mainly electronic music, but also some folksy bands and metal bands. We met so many cool friendly French people, and we had a great time hanging out with our couch surfer. It was my first experience of going to an electronic music concert where everyone smashes into each other while the dj mixes his music and people are jumping off stage left and right to crowd surf. I didn't necessarily enjoy the pushing and shoving, but the music was good and I had fun dancing around like an idiot. The second night, we didn't like any of the bands that were playing at the end of the night, so there was a little are where a radio dj was playing some oldies, and we spent an our just dancing around like crazies, just the three of us for the most part. It was definitely a night a will remember for life. haha

It was then time to move onto our HelpX, where we would be working at a chateaux in the Loire Valley. As I am writing this, we are actually getting ready to leave tomorrow. We've been here for two weeks, and it has been quite the experience! We've been working with two other HelpXers, a guy from Canada, and a girl from Denmark, doing a lot of weeding and any other kind of yard work. The weather's been rainy and gloomy most of the time, even though it's June, which has sort of put a damper on things. Our host is an interesting character, and the main reason for our frustrations here. He's a forty-something British chap, who is very uptight about manners though he himself doesn't demonstrate common courtesies and can be very rude, he has moodswings constantly so it's like we have to walk on eggshells whenever we're around him (or as Colton likes to say, he has 10 vaginas), and he's anal about the stupidest things. He likes to swear a lot and uses sarcasm to get his feeling across, and he bad mouths everyone and everything. But he's perfect of course. Ha, he's actually easy to talk to and we've had some stimulating dinner conversations, including anything and everything not "PC" (politically correct), but other than keeping him company, it feels like he thinks we're all idiots and a pain in his ass. Never mind the work we're doing for him! I'm starting to understand that conflicting personalities is just a part of life and sometimes people just don't click. That, and everyone is different, so when one person is chill about one thing, another person could be completely insane.

But our experience hasn't been all bad here. Luckily, he has made an effort to take us on adventures, so we aren't left in this little village to be bored the whole time, though we've hung out at the local bar/super market/internet point/restaurant several times after work with some of the locals who don't really speak English. We've gotten to go with him to the grocery store too where we bought our own snacks since he doesn't offer any and was amazed when I asked about having some. (You have to ask for everything you get out of the fridge btw, no helping yourself!) Last weekend we he dropped us off in Tours, which was really nice of him, so we could hang out there for a night. We stayed at the same couchsurfers and hung out in the town. The next day he took us to a nearby village where they had a market, (more like a shit sale), which we didn't spend much time at. We bought some cider and walked on home in the sunshine while we sang Disney songs to entertain ourselves.

Working outside with the weather being so crummy has been affecting my allergies, and this week it developed into a head cold, so I was feeling pretty miserable for a few days. Finally yesterday I got to go to a pharmacy to buy some drugs, and now I'm feeling much better! Even though we're supposed to work 6 hours a day, we've had several days where our work got cut short due to rain or to us being really tired because of the weather. We watch a movie almost every night if we have time, which has been really nice because I missed movies. We did see a French film when we were in Bayeux, but it was very French, if you know what I mean. I don't know if it was good or not, it was in French ha. For the most part, us HelpXers have been getting along. It's nice having other people to socialize with and work with, and it makes the time go by a lot faster. I can hardly believe we've already spent two weeks here! I feel like Colton and I could write a book about all the people we've met and all the crazy random experiences we've had along the way. Traveling may not always be fun and glamorous, but it's definitely worth it for the stories you get to tell later...

Tomorrow all of us will be heading to Futuroscope, some sort of future themed park, which I have a feeling could be interesting. After that, the Canadian is heading to Paris, and the Danish girl is coming with us! Her name is Sidsel (pronounced Cecile), and her plans to go to Italy for a HelpX got cancelled last minute, so she decided to tag along with us for a week or so while we travel through the South of France. I'm looking forward to traveling again and NOT working. HelpXing has been a great experience, but I'm over working and having to deal with crazy people! haha I just want to relax and enjoy the sunny beaches of southern France for a couple days before heading to Spain. And I'm so so excited for Spain! Mom will be meeting me in Barcelona after about a week in Spain and I cannot wait to travel with her! It's such a rare thing to be able to travel alone with my mom and I'm going to soak in every moment of it :)

Adventures in Italy

So I realize it has been like AGES since I last wrote a blog and most of you are probably dying to know what has happened to us! Except probably not... the only person that would die without knowing everything we're doing is my mom (love you mom!) :) At any rate, here's a bit of what has been going on in our world the last couple of weeks...

We spent two weeks at the Sasso, and being there felt like Narnia in so many ways because it was like another world and time flew by! A few days before we left, a New Zealander and a South African joined our HelpX party and brought with them a new variety of topics to our lunch and dinner conversations, which included the healing powers of pyramids. (remind me to research that later) On one of our last days, Colton, New Zealand and I took off for the spa in Serre di Rapalano. It wreaked of sulfur, but after a long walk and hard work, the hot water felt so soothing to my aching muscles.

Our last morning before leaving, Colton and I made homemade banana pancakes for everyone and we ate them together in the tree house. It was the first official meal ever eaten in the tree house, so Rosamond told us, and a very memorable moment indeed. I feel like I could have stayed at the Sasso for a month longer. Just when I was beginning to really enjoy the company of the others and the peace and quiet of the land, it was time for us to move on again. I hope someday I can return...

So next we headed back to Siena, where we rented a scooter and drove around more of Tuscany, this time heading north to the towns of San Gimiano and Volterra. Both were high on my list of favorite places we'd been so far. I think the fact that they are a bit larger than many of the other tiny towns along the way could be a good reason for my liking them. And I'm not sure what holiday or event takes place on May 5th in Siena (i would assume cinco de mayo is not a possibility), but when we returned that night, we found crowds of people hanging out in the historic center, several people dressed with capes.

The next morning we set out on our second attempt to hitch-hike, and luckily we got picked up; twice! After about two hours, we got picked up an Italian man on his way to meet his family members who were having a crisis; from what we could understand, it had something to do with a car accident, but our French and Spanish, which he happened to speak as well as Italian, only went so far, and his English the same. Nonetheless, he drove us through pouring rain like a speed demon and had me praying we wouldn't hydroplane and end up in the same situation his family members were in! I guess when you hitch-hike you can't exactly choose good drivers from bad drivers...

He dropped us off 6km from Florence, and it had just started to rain heavily again, so we ran for cover under a bridge that happened to be close by. Soon enough, we got picked up by a generous farmer who took us to the center of the city, giving us a mini tour before dropping us off at the train station. We walked to the hostel and decided to get some chow since we were both famished. To both of our excitement, we found a really amazing burger joint ride down the street, and nothing could stop us from going in! It was a really cool place with a sort of Spanish vibe, and the food was so satisfying that we decided to go back again the next day.

Florence is know for its large leather market, which was right down the road from where we were staying. We walked around the city as usual, taking in the sights and seeing some of the famous buildings. My favorite was the Lorenzo market, an indoor food market that sold anything and everything you could want of local Italian cuisine, panaforte (a really sweet torte), pesto, wine, bread, cheese, you name it. And of course the lambredotto sandwhich, a specifically Florentine specialty, consisting of the fourth stomach of the cow, which we had to try. The Boboli Gardens were a favorite and we enjoyed walking the stretches of green grass and shaded walking paths. We took a night bike tour and discovered all kinds of little known legends and stories of things that have taken place in Florence. All the buildings and statues have a story behind them, and it was fun hearing their history.

Our next stop was in Pisa, where we stayed with an amazing couch surfer named Simona. She took us to a party our first night at a friend's house where some 30 Italians, mostly students, gathered for some grub and a movie, which was a Woody Allen film dubbed in Italian, that we watched with English subtitles. It was cool getting to hang out with the locals and seeing how Italians like to do things. I felt really at home, almost as if I were back in LA again. It's interesting, it seems that people in Europe are more knowledgeable about films and the industry than Americans are. We don't realize how much the rest of the world is impacted by the things we create and choose to show on TV, but that's a side trail...

I got to take my touristy pictures of the leaning tower of Pisa the next day, and I was satisfied. Our next stop: Cinque Terre, probably one of my most favorite places we have been so far. It's composed of five small towns all bordering the ocean and only a few kilometers apart. After meeting some other hostelers we all decided to see the towns together and hiked the five hour trail from town to town. It was refreshing to be around other young travelers and we enjoyed lots of good food and wine, and hanging out on the shore at night.

When we left Cinque Terre, the trains through those towns happened to be on strike, so we were forced to take a ferry south to La Spezia, the closest large city, and then a bus to the train station. It wasn't necessarily convenient, but it was kind of funny to see how it effected so many tourists. The ferries were packed with people who couldn't take the train from town to town, and there were more than a few headed to the same train station as us.

So onto Milan we went, where we stayed with another couch surfer a bit outside of the city. We never got to see much of Milan other than the Duomo because once our host mentioned that Switzerland was only a short distance away, Colton was dead set on taking a train to there for some chocolate. So instead of exploring Milan for the day, we buzzed up to a little town called Lugano in Switzerland, had some of the best spaghetti we've had yet, and bought a butt load of chocolate. The town itself was actually really cute, right on the water of a lake, with a lot of little shops and restaurants. When we got back to Milan, there was a big free concert at the Duomo, so we decided to check it out. There were probably thousands of people crowded into the square, singing along with some famous Italian singer. We got sucked into the mob of people and I felt like I was stuck in a current in the ocean, being pushed and pulled in all directions by the suffocating mob of people all around me. It was insanity! I don't know how people can enjoy a concert that way, sardined together like that. But it was an experience and now I will always think of it when I think of Milan.

Yesterday we arrived in Como, and spent the day walking around the historic part of the city and hiking the trails around our hostel, which is located in a national park. One trail took us to a very picturesque view of Como and the surrounding mountains. It's beautiful here. Today we decided to spend some time apart, so I took a ferry straight to Bellaggio in the morning and spent the day there. I loved it! So many tiny streets up and down, winding around the little town surrounded by water. So many beautiful places to sit and take in the views.

We got back to the hostel tonight and found a strange Italian dude in the room next to ours. Immediately I got the feeling he was a little off kilter when his first question before he even said hello, was if we smoked. He hardly spoke any English, but he knew enough to ask if I had a boyfriend and if I smoked. He cranked up the music in the common room, thinking he was in a club or something, and caused all kind of ruckus. When I was sitting down to eat, he sat down next to me and pulled out his English dictionary apparently wanting to converse, and outright asked if I would let him kiss me! He clearly was wanting to get some... I was like, sorry dude, you're barking up the wrong tree. Next thing I know, he's blaring something else with his music that sounds a lot like porn. The hostel receptionist was around when this was all going on and walked in on him "wanking," went ballistic on him, and eventually kicked him out! Needless to say, it was quite an eventful night. He was one crazy Italian!

We have less than a week left in Italy, and it has been quite an adventure. I've fallen in love with this country and I feel that this will probably be the first of many trips to this amazing place...even though we've been here nearly 5 weeks, there are so many treasures to discover in Italy that I think we've only just scratched the surface. I look forward to finding more in the future :)

We have landed at the Sasso

Time for another update! Starting where I left off.... on our last day in Rome, thankfully it was a bright and sunny day because we decided to rent bikes for the day. Our pedaling feet took us through a large and beautiful park not far from the hostel, where we cruised down many paths and stopped to eat lunch on a bench. Later, we pedaled all along the river, back and forth, watching the rowers as we went along. It was a nice way to see Rome. I didn't realize how much we had walked the days before until we rode down the same roads. We walked a ton! I also found the city to be hillier than I remembered when walking haha.

The next day, we headed north to Siena on a train. When we got there it was pouring down rain, and after receiving disappointing news from Hertz that we couldn't rent a car since we are under 25, we took a taxi straight to our B&B a little out of town. We made ourselves some dinner, consisting of frozen goods and pasta with a little too much salt :/ and settled into our cold room. Apparently Italians aren't too fond of heaters??  Luckily, I found a brochure from a local rent-a-car company that would rent to us under 25ers and so the next day we set out to Siena to get ourselves a car!

We spent the next day driving all around Tuscany, stopping in the teeny tiny towns along the way. Most seemed like ghost towns, so we didn't stick around long, just enough to try some wine and see the pretty scenery. North of Siena was more foresty and saturated by wineries, where the south was very very green and hilly, SO beautiful. We stopped several times along the road to take pictures, but I don't think they do it justice. We ate dinner in Montalcino, a larger town at the top of a hill/mountain and had some tasty meat! Wild boar and chicken in wine sauce. Mmm mmm good!

Sadly, we eventually had to return our car and move on to the next stop, which took us not far from Siena to our next HelpX. To greet us at the train station was a sweet little old Scottish lady named Rosamond. She drove us back to Sasso (the name of her homestead) where we met two other HelpXers; Arthur, a Brit, and Jeurn, a German fellow who's mastery of English makes for some hilarious moments. We started working almost immediately on the tree house, fixing a hand rail along the stairs up to the 2nd platform-- there are three altogether. And this tree house is what every kid dreams of. The top floor is decorated with all sorts of random scraps of wood and shudders. It reminds me of the one in the movie Jack. It's really cool.

Arther sort of introduced us to Sasso and the ways of Rosamond. She's very scatterbrained and not many things are in working order so you kind of have to make due with the tools that she's got. Sasso itself is a huge establishment. There are bathrooms and bedrooms around every corner, this place would make for the best round of hide and go seek anyone could play! Rosamond told us it actually started as pigsties and cow pens, so they obviously have done a lot of work over the years. She said they once housed 50 people at one time for New Year's Eve. And over the past few years you can tell it hasn't been kept up so much, so there's a lot of fixing and cleaning that needs to be done.

It's been a lot colder this spring than usual, but still no heater, so I have been trying my best to stay warm under piles of blankets and layers of clothes. The past few days have been a bit more sunny, and we've been doing a lot of yard work consisting of hedge trimming, mowing the lawn, and gardening. My hands are starting to show for the work we've done. Almost every day I get a new cut on my finger somewhere; yesterday we had to cut these nasty hedges that have huge thorns on them and it's almost inevitable that you will get poked, which I did at least ten times. I even got a thorn through the shoe and one through my pants, which both bled on my socks :(

There are 3 cats; Rono, Sukumos, and Shakti; 4 turtles; Holy, Cow, and two I can't remember; 2 peacocks; Pythagorus and Penelope; and 2 hens; Henrietta and Theodora living here. The male peacock likes to make lots of noise, especially when I'm around, and is more obnoxious than a rooster. It's only my fifth day here and already I want to shoot it and cook it up for dinner. Take that Pythagorus! Oh, but Rosamond is a vegetarian so there won't be any cooking meat in her kitchen... ha

Speaking of Rosamond, if you have ever seen the movie Duplex, you will get a pretty good picture of the kind of person Rosamond is. We often eat meals later than normal because she will get talking on the phone or working on something else that she forgets that we are all waiting with our mouths watering and our tummies grumbling. Not that I'm complaining. She actually makes good food, it just takes her time to get around to making it. And she's also quite a jokester, so it's easy to get along with her.

Today it rained almost the whole day so we ended up cleaning one of the rooms meant for HelpXers to hang out in... but I haven't really cuz it's so cold! It was covered in spider webs and dust from head to toe, but we got it looking like new. Sometimes with the work I get frustrated because it's not really my cup of tea (surprisingly I actually enjoy cleaning a lot more than working in the yard) and I forget that I'm in this beautiful place in Italy. It doesn't even feel like I'm in Italy here. Maybe because I'm not actually living with any Italians... but I'm trying to stay motivated and thankful that I even have the opportunity to be here and to meet these people. I'm starting to miss my friends and family a lot more, the stress of always being in a new place, though exciting, also wears on my nerves and I am looking forward to coming home to LA after we are done traveling. Not that our trip will be cut short. No no, too much left to see yet :)

When in Rome...

I can hardly believe we've been in Italy for only a week! This past week has been one of the craziest, most frustrating, and exciting weeks since we've been in Europe; it feels like we've been here so much longer than we have, but we still have so much more to see and so many more places to go!

Turns out that our couch surfing host in Athens happened to be the best one I think we will have the chance to meet--but I hope not. He was a late twenty-something-year-old born and raised in Piraeus, Athens, and he worked at a shipping company; at least that's what I thought he meant haha, but it sounded more like "sipping." After getting off work, he picked us up at the metro station and took us one by one back to his apartment only a few kilometers away, but the already heavy traffic was even more so with the coming holiday and it made the ride a bit longer... not that I minded! He had come on his motor bike so our only option was us to take separate rides, and I did not want mine to end! It was so nice after a long day of walking with my heavy backpack to get to sit down and see all the cafes and restaurants pass by as the wind blew through my hair.

Our CS host lived in a much nicer part of Piraeus than we had seen. It was right next to a harbor full of expensive yachts and a few sailboats and in close vicinity to lots of cute shops and restaurants. So that evening he took us to one of his favorite places where we had some of the best Greek food we've ever tasted! It was served tapas style, so we ordered a bunch of dishes and shared them all. That's one thing I've noticed about Greek culture. Meals are always shared and people don't mind mixing germs. No one has a meal to themselves. I noticed it first when we were in Santorini and the couch surfer's wife served us some yogurt, telling us to dig in with the forks we'd already used. It feels like you're just part of the family when you eat that way I think. Anyway, after eating dinner and feeling completely stuffed, we walked around the harbor which was all lit up in the night sky and then went to a bar before heading back to the apartment.

The next day, we all slept in which felt so marvelous after our long ferry ride the night before, and then our CS host graciously took us to the bus station using his parent's car and ensured we had gotten our bus ticket and were settled in before he left us at the station. It was super busy due to Easter coming up, which I found out the Orthodox celebrate a week after the Protestants and Catholics. We took a bus through the countryside and mountains to Patras, the western port of Greece from where we would take a ferry to Italy.

By the time we got to the bus station in Patras, we thought we had just enough time to walk down to the port and get on our ferry, BUT we ended up walking to the wrong end of the port and having to take a taxi to the other end where our actual ferry was. And of course the taxi driver wanted to take us round in circles to add to the meter, so by the time we actually got to the port and picked up our tickets, we were minutes away from missing our ferry! What a heart attack that was...humph! But thank heavens we made it.

Thankfully, due to my eye mask and ear plugs (and borrowing Colton's sleeping bag) I slept pretty good on the floor of the ferry. About midnight or so a ton of passengers got on the boat and came in boisterously disturbing those of us who were sound asleep, so I was determined not to let them steal my precious few hours and I shut my eyes until they all shut up! I found out the next morning that I apparently was the only one to do so... most people got up to let people sit down... and people probably didn't think to highly of me. Oh well. I don't really care. Sleep is not something to be interrupted :)

Once in Bari, we literally had no plan, and with it being Easter morning we were really lucky that we were able to find a bed and breakfast when we did and in the historic part of town. It was just newly renovated, and we were the first to stay in the room; the towels and linens were still in the bag from the store! Everything was kind of dead during the day, so we wandered around and then ate a restaurant that was one of the few open and had our first pizzas in Italy. They're definitely not as hearty as I expected, but they're not bad. Later that night, it seemed we were in just the right spot, because at about eight or nine o' clock, all the locals came out to the bars and restaurants at the piazza in the historic district.

The next day, we checked out of the b&b since it was only available for a night, and we walked around the city trying to find wifi so we could figure out a plan. But luck was not on our side that day. The city was a ghost town due to the celebration of Easter on Monday as well. We wandered around for a couple hours and after no luck found a McDonald's with wifi, but you had to have a phone to be able to receive the password, so it was no use. Later, randomly we found an internet spot, which was like finding water in a desert! So we quickly found a hotel online and walked the rest of the way to it.

We ended up paying double what I had found online because someone *cough *cough didn't think it would be reliable to book on lastminute.com, but you live and you learn. With the city being basically shut down and it being cold and windy, we decided to just spend the day in our room watching Italian TV and planning more of our trip. We went out to dinner at a pub restaurant and had to guess what we were ordering because everything was in Italian and the waiter didn't speak English. We were literally the only people in the place and what we got was way less than what we payed for. It was definitely an experience! We ended up stopping at the only super market open that day run by some Indians that don't celebrate Easter and bought a bag of cookies which compensated for still not full stomachs.

Day 3 in Bari we decided to try to hitch hike to Naples, which sort of ended up being a complete fail. Apparently we should have done some more research because hitch hiking on the highway in Italy is ILLEGAL. Thankfully, the cabinieri only told us to walk to the nearest exit and didn't fine us for our felony ha. Ironically, on our way to the exit a guy finally picked us up, but he wasn't going that far, so he dropped us off at the airport so we could figure out what to do next. By the time we figured out there are no flights from Bari to Naples and then decided to take a bus to the train station to see if we could catch a train instead of trying to hitchhike any further, it was too late. The buses were no longer running to Naples and we missed the last train. So, we were stuck in Bari for yet another night.

At that point we were super discouraged and decided the easiest thing to do would be to go back to our hotel not too far away and use the wifi we had used the day before instead of wandering yet again trying to find a cafe with internet. So we sat outside the hotel to get on the computer and found that our password had expired. I went in to the hotel to ask for the new password, but I wanted to look like I was coming from my room to ask instead of just off the street, so I went up the elevator and then came back down. And on my way down the elevator (I was already weary of them breaking down earlier since they seemed kind of janky) I got stuck on the first floor and had to ring the alarm to get out! When the door finally was pried open, three guys were standing there wanting to make sure I was ok. It was quite comical. So I asked for the password and long story short, ended up booking the hotel on a website for a week AFTER I needed it and can't get my money back. But we stayed in that money trap city once again for another night and bought a bus ticket out first thing in the morning.

The drive to Naples was really beautiful through the Italian countryside. It's much more green and lush than Greece, and of course full of vineyards. Once we finally made it to Naples, we were so relieved! We had our first hostel experience, and a great one at that. It was a cute little place at the top floor of this building within walking distance of everything. So after settling in, we went walking down to the port and got some gelato. We happened to be there during the America's cup sailing race, so lots of people were at the port watching the race take place. It was very windy and cold that day, so the waves were extra high which made it interesting to watch the boats racing across the stormy water.

We walked some more and found a book store where we bought some books in English and then headed back to the hostel to do some laundry and hang out for the rest of the day since it ended up raining the whole time.

The next day we took a ferry to Capri, about an hour off the coast. It was a beautiful island with lots of expensive shops and hotels. I enjoyed the nature on the island, but I think it's a little overrated and touristy than some of the other islands might be. That night we decided to go out and have some tasty pasta since we were getting sick of pizza, so we ate at a little joint close to the hostel.

The next day rained all day, and we decided to go to Pompeii and walk around the ruins. There were quite a few people there despite the rain, and even though it wasn't perfect walking weather, I kind of enjoyed it. The city was a lot bigger than I expected it to be so it took several hours to walk around it all. After a while it all kind of looked the same to me though so I was ready to see something new. We hopped on the metro and went to Sorrento, where we stopped and ate some pizza and pasta while we read more of our books :) It was a good way to get out of the cold rain for a bit.

Sorrento was a cute little coastal town that also had a lot of shops and hotels, but with the rain and the pretty trees and flowers, I was taken by the town's charm. We stopped and had gelato at this shop that had probably close to 30 flavors, it was a bit hard to choose which ones I wanted!

The next day, yesterday, we took our first train to Rome!!! After checking into our hostel, we ROMEed around the city ;) and saw some of the historic buildings all lit up at night. It was sort of surreal. We walked down to a piazza across the river where there are lots of small streets with bars and restaurants.

Today we walked around the Roman forum and the Colloseum, went into a few churches, walked the Spanish steps, and threw coins into the Trevi fountian. It was a day full of walking, but I have enjoyed taking in the beautiful scenery, both in architecture and in nature. Rome is so different than I thought it would be; so much cleaner and prettier. There's actually a lot of trees and gardens/parks. And even though there are lots of tourists, the traffic isn't too bad and it's not unreasonable to walk everywhere you go. I quite like it here and am looking forward to exploring more of the city in the next few days before we head up to Siena and Tuscay. I'm really enjoying the beauty of Italy.

It's a good Good Friday

We are in Athens again, and surprisingly I feel some relief being back in a big city. I love the islands and all, but there's something about a city that just feels like home to me now. Strangely, even though I feel extremely exhausted, I feel like I can breath again. I think being around lots of people gives me energy, and since we were in Santorini in the off season, a lot of places we went were kinda dead.

We took an overnight ferry from Santorini last night and got to Athens early this morning, and met a few other backpackers, so we all decided to commandeer a section of floor space underneath a large stairway so we could catch some z's. Well, at least try... I ended up cold and hungry half the trip, and not very rested.

Anyway, I'm guessing you're all wondering what Colton and I did while we were in Santorini! Well, on our second day we rented a scooter and went cruising around the whole island. The guy we rented from told us several things to keep in mind before he let us get on the scooter: 1. Wear Helmet. 2. Be Careful. 3. Drive on the right side of the road. 4. Watch out for "China people." The last one gave us a good laugh!

So we drove through Kamari, a cute little beach town that looked like it could be a fun place to hang in the summer months. We saw both the red and black beaches, and with the island being so small, we kept seeing the same people everywhere we went. For lunch, we stopped at a place that overlooks the caldera, and ate some of the freshest fried fish we've ever had, and I'm not usually a fish person, but it was really good :) Our waitress said her father had caught the fish that morning. Now that's fresh!

Down the road from the restaurant was the lighthouse that we walked out to, which had one of the best views of the islands and I'm guessing one of the best views for sunset. After that we drove up to the top of a monastery, named after the prophet Elijah, which is the highest point on Santorini. It was so beautiful, with views of the entire island all around. After that we drove all the way up to Oia for sunset. And back to Fira to our hotel. That was probably one of the best days we had in Santorini, just cruising around.

The next day we woke up and drove around a bit more before we had to return the scooter. We hung out in Fira at a cafe for a bit, looking for couch surfers and our next HelpX, which we found out today we got the one we wanted!! We will be working at a place in Tuscany for two weeks at the end of April, for a very interesting woman that is all about unconditional love and spirituality and creating a place for healing and creativity to be let loose. I'm excited to see what it's like, the reviews sound amazing! So after that we ate lunch at a cafe overlooking the caldera again. It was perfect sitting there because everywhere else was so windy.

Later we walked back to the hotel, stopping at a bakery along the way to get some fresh bread for breakfast and some Cretan sweets, yum yum. We chilled in the hotel the rest of the day cuz it was kinda crappy and we needed some rest. We watched The Fountain by Aronofsky, which I was really intrigued by. I like his style a lot, he's really great at telling a story in a unique way. We went to a little restaurant called Mama's House in Fira, and had some of the best food on the island, and the place was definitely Greek...servers yelling at the kitchen staff and running around taking orders... it was quite entertaining. We met "Mama" who happened to live in LA for a while we found out. She was full of spunk and energy.

Our last day was also gloomy and super windy, so we walked to Fira and waited for the bus to Oia where we sat a lot and just chilled. We ended up walking down to the beach and I took a nap. Then we headed back to Fira for a cold and windy sunset, but it was beautiful. We got dropped off at the port around 8:30 last night and hung out until the ferry got in.

After getting off the ferry this morning we went to Starbucks to get online and do some more planning. I slept a bit, which was great. It's really beautiful outside today, so we found a park and crashed there for the afternoon. Now we are waiting for our couchsurfing host to get off work so we can meet up with him. Tomorrow we will be heading to another port where we will be taking another over night ferry to Bari, Italy. I'm hoping this time I will be able to sleep, otherwise it's going to be a long Easter day, and we still don't know if we have a place to stay once we get there, so we may be checking into a hostle, who knows. I'll just be glad to be there :)

4/2/12 - Santorini

We arrived in Santorini yesterday afternoon, and even though I was a bit drowsy from our previous night of sleeping on a bench at the port, I was so excited to finally be in Santorini! Our shuttle from the hotel was late to the port so we asked another guy holding a sign where to go, and he happened to be the hotel owner's brother. Go figure. So he made a call, batta boom batta bing, and our shuttle met us along with a few other travelers and shuttled us to the hotel. 

It's not a super fancy hotel, but for 12 Euros a person per night and the incredible hospitality we have already received, I am more than satisfied. When brought into the reception/kitchen/lounge area, we were welcomed by a sweet woman named Poppy who quickly informed us of all the main things to do on the island. Soon after, her husband (also our shuttle driver) offered us each a bit of wine to toast to our arrival. It was perfect.

After settling in a bit, we went out to dinner with a woman we met on a shuttle. She happened to be from NY/LA and is now living in Rome, so we had lots to talk about over dinner. She gave us plenty of advice on what to do in Italy, especially Rome, and I am very excited to see what the Italia is like. 

We hit the sack early since we were so petered out from the last two days. This morning I woke up early and contacted a couch surfer in Oia, the most popular scenic place on the island. We ended up meeting him in Fira which is about a 15 minute walk from where we are staying.  He was an excellent host and welcomed us to Greece, showing us around his home in Oia and a bit in Fira. Ironically, he is from Serbia, but he lives in Greece and is a HUGE Ron Paul supporter. So funny. He and Colton had plenty to talk about. I feel like I need to brush up on my politics.... He introduced us to his wife (a Latvian. They met through CS) and his friend, also from Serbia. They were also super hospitable and offered us some tea and food. 

Later, Colton and I ventured down the cliffs to a place where we could jump in the water! It was sort of shockingly cold, but eventually I got used to it and it wasn't too bad :) Sadly I tried to hold my nose when jumping in and ended up getting a head full of water up my nose. Not fun. But we dried off in the wind and I felt fine after a few minutes of blowing my nose. 

We watched the sunset over Oia, so breathtakingly beautiful. Everything you see in pictures, except so much better in person. Then we went back to Fira for a light dinner at a super crowded restaurant where the food was delicious. From there we walked home. Again, Poppy gave us a tray full of food when we got back to the hotel. These people are so sweet, I could definitely get used to this way of life :)

Tomorrow we are renting a scooter for the day, who knows what new adventures will await us!

April 1, 2012 - Travel Blog

4/1/12

I promised a travel blog, so for those of you who have been waiting, here it is! Well, at least the first one. We'll see how far I get after this... :)

We left Ohio on March 13th to embark on our long awaited, yet not very planned journey. Ha. The only thing we knew is that we would be doing a HelpX in Monamvasia, Greece for two weeks, and then after that we would head to Italy, France, and Spain.

So we arrived in Athens where we stayed for several days, mostly just to see the touristy things since we didn't really know what else to do. For the most part, Athens is just another big city. Lots of buildings and cement. Most people speak some English, but where we decided to couch surf happened to be in a little more sketchy part of town (Not so much that we felt unsafe. Actually, after arriving in Athens, we found out how much the media in America has over dramatized the riots and strikes here. It's basically just a few stupid people that do something dumb enough to get on the news, not hundreds or thousands...) Actually, I was sort of surprised by how peaceful it felt to be in Athens. For such a large city, it felt so much more quiet than the usual hustle and bustle I've grown used to feeling in LA. But, another big city it is, so we decided not to spend much time there.

We saw the acropolis and walked around the city center where there were a bunch of cute cafes and restaurants on the street. It was fun imagining what it would be like for the ancient Greeks to go to the temple way up on top of the hill and see the historic architecture. In the city center we had our first souvlaki pita which was delicious! One afternoon that was particularly cold, we decided to sit for a couple hours in the square and just watch people... there were a lot of school groups there and other tourists, and you could tell the tourists from the locals a mile away; Colton and I would just shake our heads in embarrassment haha, "tacky Americans...."

The first day we took the subway, a guy got on with an accordion and started playing. It took everything in me not to laugh, but all the Greeks ignored him, and I didn't understand why. Well when we went to the center of Athens, I saw more people, mostly children, playing accordions for money. Then it made sense to me, and it soon became a nuisance when they would follow you around playing.  A lot of women and children would also come up to us and try to sell us tissues. I wonder if they actually make any money from that...

After Athens, we took a bus to Monamvasia in southern Greece where we did our first HelpX with Fokke and Maria. They hosted us for two weeks and we did all kinds of things for them; cutting and stacking wood, walking the dog, cracking nuts, a bit of gardening, cutting the grass (literally with scissors), and sanding a few tables. Fokke and Maria live on a mountain with one of the best views of the ocean and Monamvasia. Often we had free time to hike the trails or go to the beach if we wanted, and the weather was always perfect. I learned so much from Maria about the local plants that they have in their own backyard and the process of making olive oil. Maria is German and Fokke is Dutch, but they both spoke very good English and were able to fill us in on the local customs. In the small mountain villages, the Greeks are very honoring of each other. If a woman is home alone, a man will not visit her because he doesn't want to put her in a compromising situation. We also found out that a person's word is all you need in making a deal. Say if someone doesn't have enough money at the time to pay for something, the person the money is due will let them pay later. That was so amazing to me. I don't think I would ever want to be the person being owed...

We ate very heartily every day too, a nice reward for our work :) Maria makes the best cakes and bread and marmalade, and pretty much everything haha. Fokke cooked a couple times too, curry was always a main ingredient (even in eggs), and it was also delicious. We will definitely miss those meals.

Being in Monamvasia was like being on a retreat in a way, not many people around and beautiful nature all around, and I learned so much!

Now we are headed to Santorini! I am so so excited! Ever since I was a teenager and I saw The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I have wanted to go to Santorini, so I am so excited to see what sort of adventure awaits us. FIrst, we will probably crash for a bit since we didn't sleep much last night. We took a bus to the port last night and got there around 11 and our ferry left at 7:30 the next morning, so we tried sleeping on the benches outside, but it was cold and Colton already wasn't feeling well that day. So we haven't really slept much. I think Santorini will be a nice way to relax and explore for a few days. Can't wait!

The Heart of God

I've only been back in the US for about 14 hours, and already I miss Bangkok. This isn't something I expected. I knew Bangkok would keep a piece of my heart with her when I left, but I didn't realize how big of a piece it would be. I thought I would be relieved to step on American soil once again, and to a certain degree, I am, but I'm realizing now that the things I have seen and experienced in the past two weeks are not something I can process in a day or a week. I've seen too much, felt too much, and I can't just go about life as usual anymore. My eyes have been opened, and nothing looks the same.

The last few days in Bangkok were some that I don't think I will ever forget. Thursday we spent the day with Dton Naam. Joy and I taught the students to make origami hearts to hang up on the tree in the cafe. We worked for several hours, and it was kind of exhausting, but also a lot of fun. Art class always seemed to be full of laughter. Something about creating makes a person come alive, and I think the students felt that.

That night was one of the most amazing and difficult nights for me. We all ate at another delicious Lebanese restaurant before heading onto the streets and into the bars for outreach. Bethany and I ended up going to a lady boy bar that Dton Naam hadn't really gone to before. It's a little bit away from the main plaza where the main section of bars are located, but I think it was probably my favorite lady boy bar we went to. It was a pool bar, so the dynamics work a bit differently than in other bars. We bought drinks for one of the lady boys and then decided to play some pool with a couple of them. It was a small bar, and there were a couple men there when we arrived. I could tell they were a bit baffled by why two women would come into a bar, as most of the men usually are. We met a guy from France that seemed to know quite a few of the lady boys and he even made the comment that you don't usually see women in the bars.

After playing pool, we talked to the lady boys for a while. The one I was talking to was pretty open with me. He said he didn't really like his job, he had been working there for 2 weeks, and only stayed because it paid well. Despite his smile and laughter earlier, in that moment he couldn't lie anymore and I felt honored that he would open up with me, a strange white American girl he had only met an hour earlier. When Bethany and I left, one of the lady boys made the comment that he had hoped we were going to pay the bar fee and take him out for the night. We had to meet up with the group, but both said they would love to get dinner sometime before work. It was hard leaving, but at the same time I'm so glad we got to partner with Dton Naam because I know they will keep up the relationship we just started with those two lady boys. And I'm so glad I got to be one of the first in that bar.

After that, the girls from Dton Naam went home, so just us girls from the team decided to go out some more. Annie and I went to two bars, and it was my first time in the Thai women bars. There was one girl in the first bar that looked about 14, and it seemed it might have been her first day working at the bar; she seemed uncomfortable dancing. I felt sad and angry, and still a bit numb about the reality of the situation. But going into the second bar stripped any numbness I had. It's hard to put into words... it's one thing hearing stories and knowing the things that go on in the bars, but seeing it is completely different. The dances/show was so much more sexual than the other bars I had been in, and for the first time all I could feel was disgust and anger, not at the people, but at the way Satan was so clearly at work, how there were veils over every person's eyes. I couldn't see or feel Jesus anymore, I couldn't find the light, and I felt overwhelmed.

If that wasn't enough, we decided to go to the Grace Hotel in the Muslim district to see the women behind the glass. The Grace Hotel also happens to be where one of the terrorists from 9/11 stayed while he was planing and training for the attacks. Even walking there, I could feel the weight of darkness in the spirit. My physical body started experiencing all kinds of weird pains, and I felt sick to my stomach. Annie said there were more traffickers out that night, and I could tell because several men tried calling me over and grabbing my arm. I was already angry, so I wasn't afraid of punching them if that's what it came to, not that it would. There were people everywhere. Once at the hotel, the pit in my stomach grew even more, and I felt like I might pass out. It felt like I was in a daze. We asked where the massage parlor was, and we were directed down a winding staircase that had flashing rope lights rapped around the railing. We walked into a corner where a man sat at a desk and to the left, about a dozen middle eastern women sat behind a wall of glass with numbers on their clothes. To the right were several rooms where customers could take their women of choice. Annie asked the guy how much, and he said either 5 or 600 baht, which is about $15. A white-haired guy walked in after us, and it took everything in me not to scream at him. He walked away as we headed up the stairs and I partly wonder if he did because we were there.

At that point all the sadness and anger became too much to handle, the pit in my stomach too large, and I broke. I've never felt so much anger and deep sadness in my life, at one moment, and I couldn't handle it, still can't. I've never been in a place where I can't feel God or see a glimmer of his light, never felt his complete absence before...it's not something you can easily process or get over either. I will remember that night for the rest of my life.

I've never wanted to flee from a place as much I have wanted to in Bangkok. There were several occasions where I couldn't imagine another moment being subject to so much oppression, and yet people live in that every day. I feel like every moment of light-heartedness, and joy I have ever experienced in my life was taken for granted until that night. We have so much freedom living in the US that I never quite understood before, but now I hope I never forget it.

Friday was our last day with Dton Naam, and after the night I had, I needed some time to chill and journal. I was excited when I finally got to teach a painting class, since I had taught drawing so much, which isn't really my forte. It was probably the best class we had at Dton Naam, for me anyways. We had everyone share their inspiration for what they painted, and their answers were amazing. They mostly consisted of different aspects of God's love, and I was taken off guard by the depth of their simple answers. In a place where darkness is so evident, God's love shines brighter than I've ever seen before. It's so blatantly obvious.

Joel and I got to pray over one of the sweetest 15 year old girls I have ever met that afternoon. Both of our hearts melted by the depths of God's love for her. He's so so loving.

Saturday we had a day to do whatever we wanted. We met with Annie and Bang from Nightlight for lunch, and as a team got to share our thoughts about Bangkok. It was an amazing day of reflecting on what God had and still is showing us. We all felt the sweet presence of Jesus, and it was a perfect way to end such an intense week. We had dinner at a fancy Thai restaurant close to our hotel, and spent several hours affirming each other and debriefing. All of us felt extremely empowered through Annie's leadership, and I know for me, even with all the questions I still have, I never felt so much confirmation of my identity and clarity of my calling on a trip before. Everything that I saw and experienced has effected me deeply, and I know I won't ever be the same.

It's hard to sum up our trip to Bangkok in words... It's sort of indescribable. You can't really understand unless you've been there, unless you've seen it with your own eyes, and experienced it for yourself. Words just don't do it justice.

So I'm not really sure how to end, because coming back to LA really isn't the end, it's just the beginning. The beginning of a lifelong journey of understanding God's heart of love and justice for the entire world. I'm finally starting to understand that's what it's all about, knowing God's heart. And I think that journey is one that will take me the rest of my life and all of eternity to fully explore... his heart is just that big :)