It is October, and though I usually find myself becoming more cheerful around this time due to the rising expectation of the holidays that are now swiftly approaching, this year is slightly different. But come to think of it, I am different.
Not until I finally came back to this familiar environment, the place I now call home, the city that so holds my heart no matter how many other amazing places I go, I hadn't really understood how I had changed. But somewhere between leaving for the adventure of a lifetime and returning to this place I call home, something happened.
I'm not sure when exactly I started noticing it, but I suddenly find myself more calm and relaxed in situations I would normally feel extremely uncomfortable in. I can't say this feeling has made it's way into every part of my life, but it certainly has transformed a large part. For instance, probably the biggest change I have noticed is that when I make a mistake or get blamed for something I didn't do, it no longer stresses me out. I can finally put things in perspective and give myself room to grow, and FINALLY not take myself so seriously. I'm human. I'm going to make mistakes. And it is OK. It's just one more step towards accepting myself for who I am, and honestly, I think I'm finally realizing that it's not my job to make everyone else happy. I can't control their attitudes toward me or their own lives. And not everything is my fault. As long as I feel confident in who I am and am able to accept myself, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I control my own peace, and they control theirs. For anyone that really knows me, you can probably grasp how HUGE that is for me. And I'm happy to finally be in this place. It just took 22 years to get here...
On another note, I think the main reason for my a bit less-than-cheerfulness at this time could be my lack of social life as of late. But I know it just takes time to get plugged in again. And come to think of it, I have been really really blessed by so many people welcoming me back home with open arms. I keep telling people I feel like I'm home. And I do. I have so many amazing people in my life, but the thing with living in this city is that all relationships take intentionality. With everyone working different schedules and doing so many things at once, it really takes a lot of planning and work to make relationships happen. But I am up for the task! I know I need people in my life, and they need me. So it's gonna happen.
And now I have to brag for a moment. Amazingly, and truly a gift from above, I was blessed with a job within a week of moving back! It was really unexpected, but I am SO thankful for it. I finally have a steady source of income, the one thing I could not seem to find the last time I was here, and that alone has lifted a HUGE weight off my shoulders. And I guess I should mention here the amazing deal we got on our apartment. It's so big! And so affordable! And we found it within a day of looking, which is pretty much unheard of. PLUS, I got my new yellow volkswagon beetle I have affectionately named Daisy, also at a much reduced price. Does God provide or what? It's sort of ridiculous. Ha.
As I continue to decorate our new home and get adjusted to LA life, I think I will start to feel more settled. We've actually accomplished quite a lot in the past few weeks, so I guess I just need to remind myself of that when I start to feel overwhelmed. I am so glad to be here and I know without a doubt this is where I am supposed to be. Traveling with my brother is probably one of the greatest experiences I've ever had, and I know I will cherish it forever. I learned so much about myself and about the world that I never expected to learn, but I know I am different because of it. There are so many stories I will get to tell for the rest of my life, and only Colton and I will ever totally understand because we were the ones to share it with each other, like so many other things in our lives. Remembering all of the crazy things that happened has really made me want to write a book... Blogging during our travels really wasn't enough. So many things happened that I never had time to share, and now I want to! I think that may be my next big endeavor... :)
