Love Wins

In less than 24 hours I will be boarding a plane headed to Bangkok!! (Actually my first flight lands in Tokyo, but that's beside the point) It sort of feels hard to believe. I mean, just 3 months ago I was deciding whether or not I would be even going on this trip, and now it is here! I'm leaving tomorrow.

Over the past couple of months, many emotions have stirred in my heart. Excitement, fear, anticipation, questioning, sadness, and hurt for the ones I will meet, just to name a few. I can hardly imagine what sort of emotions I will experience when I am finally in Bangkok. I've heard so much about this city, read about its history, and yet I feel like nothing can prepare me for what I am about to see and hear. A part of me feels overwhelmed, like am I really doing this? Am I really going into the thick of it, right in the middle of one of the darkest places on the earth? Am I crazy?! Maybe...

I've been having many talks/venting times with the Lord in leading up to this trip, which mostly has consisted of me asking God those same questions. The truth is, I feel very inadequate. I mean, I know I have so much to give, so much love to pour out because of the love I've received, but sometimes I get caught up in comparing myself to others, thinking someone would be far better at this than me. Of course it's just a lie, but we all think those things at some point in our lives. Today in church God reminded me that he is the God who uses Davids to kill Goliaths, the weak things of this world to devour the strong, and the simple things to confound the wise. And if I believe that, there's no reason to doubt that God can use me.

As I was having another time with the Lord, being honest with him about my fears, I heard him say, "Daughter, my grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in your weakness." I know I can't do this on my own, and really anything that I can do fully on my own, isn't that worth doing. I'm learning what it means to step out in faith and believe that God is who he says he is, and I am who he says I am. I can't view my circumstances from a natural perspective, or I will get overwhelmed every time. I'm also realizing once again, that none of this is about me. If I can take my eyes off of myself long enough and trust that God loves me enough to do what's best for me, then I will see that in reality, this is not about me. My story and my life is just a subplot in the Master's greater story. And it is in my greatest weakness, that his power is able to be manifest and put on display.

So as I embark on this crazy adventure, I acknowledge my weakness, and trust that in him, my weakness is made strong. He is victorious every time. In the end, he wins. Love wins. And that's reason enough to do something that others would call crazy :)