At the end of August, I got a job working at Universal Studios Hollywood (the theme park). It was literally like the job just fell out of heaven and landed right into my lap. I had been praying for a more consistent job that actually paid, and this one did, $8.25 and hour. Not much, but it was better than nothing! So I started training for show crew, which meant I got to work behind the scenes of Terminator 2 and the Special Effects show (which is more on-stage than off). It was like nothing I have ever done. I started at Special Effects and found that learning the new position was harder than I thought it would be. I had to learn the exact timing of when and where to move which stage piece, and if I messed up, it effected everyone else. On my second day, I forget to move the blood cart, and the host called me out on it in front of the audience, commenting that I was new to the show. I was so embarrassed! At Universal, you are trained on the job, so you don't get to practice the show, and then perform it. You learn while working live shows. It was a lot of pressure! Not only was I learning something completely new to me, but I was doing it in front of hundreds of people every day. Talk about anxiety ha!
As it turned out, my training on the shows was just a way to keep me busy until they needed me for Halloween Horror Nights. I had no idea what to expect, and I wasn't really looking forward to working HHN because I hate Halloween. During HHN, I was put on rat duty, and not really with my consent. But I wasn't going to refuse, I needed the hours. So I was put in charge of helping an animal trainer load a glass coffin with 30 live rats, on top of a girl inside who was dressed like a vampire. I would then push the coffin into the VIP Vampire Lounge, along with 1 other crew member, where we would watch over the coffin for 25 minutes in case the rats got feisty, and roll it back to unload for a 30 minute break.
It didn't really take much thought, and after a few nights I started counting down the days until Halloween was finally over. I can only take so much of doing nothing until I go crazy. However, there were several perks to my job, like free food and candy every night, getting to see celebrities up close, playing with the animal trainer's pet monkey during breaks, and just seeing everything that goes into a production like that. Working behind the scenes for HHN made me think about how the enemy works to instill fear inside of us. I wasn't afraid of the "scaracters" (that's what the actors in masks are called for Halloween) because I knew the people behind the masks. I knew none of the scaracters were real and that the people in the mazes were just putting on a show. I think that's how Satan works. He makes himself out to be such a big and scary person who can do real damage to us, but that's only if we let him. He wears a mask and we have so much more power over his darkness if we have the light inside of us.
Despite the fact that I HATE Halloween, and I didn't necessarily LOVE my job, when Halloween finally came I was suddenly filled with sadness. My coworkers and I were together every shift I worked and I realized that there would never be a time like this where we would all be together in the same way. It was like our show was over and we were all left to go our own separate ways. And I had no idea what I was going to do next.
"Freak Street" All the scaracters on our street were like freaks in a circus. They had extra heads or limbs, distorted faces, and disfigured bodies. They hid in the corners and jumped out at people when fog covered the streets from the smoke machines.
The glass coffin. The rats tended to huddle under her feet as it got cold later into the night.
Me and Maya, the animal trainer's pet monkey. She is the sweetest animal I have ever met!
About the same time that Halloween Horror Nights was ending, I started thinking seriously about going on a trip my friend Annie was leading to Bangkok, Thailand in January that was specifically needing artists to be involved. Initially I was like, YES! I am definitely going! But the more I thought about it and the cost, I realized it was going to have to be something God wanted me to do and not just an excuse for me to be able to travel. So I started asking God for confirmation that I was supposed to go. And lo and behold, God started speaking to me through different circumstances that he did want me to go to Bangkok. Annie told me that the ministries in Bangkok we would be working with specifically asked for someone that could teach a painting class to help the lady boys process their emotions, and someone who could teach them how to make fondant for their bakery/coffee shop. I was so excited! I could do both of those things, and I felt like the Lord had a specific reason for me to go. But I knew this trip wasn't going to be like any missions trip I had ever been on before.
From the first time Annie told me about how the girls are prostituted in bars where men, mostly American, come to purchase them, I felt sick to my stomach. I had heard stories of what takes place in the sex trafficking industry, but the reality of it suddenly hit me deeper than it ever had before. I can only imagine the humiliation, shame, anger, and multitude of other emotions these girls must go through on a daily basis. I feel as if my heart is already being ripped out from within me, and I haven't even met these girls and lady boys yet. I haven't seen their faces, heard their stories, but I'm about to.
The month of November was full of stress and busyness, despite that I had felt God was calling me to rest and trust him in this season. I felt overwhelmed by the fact that I was trying to raise money for a trip that I could not afford on my own, I could barely pay for my rent. After Halloween, my hours at work dropped to ZERO and I started looking for any other way to make money. I told God that he would have to provide for my trip if he wanted me to go because there was no way I could do it on my own. I started selling paintings and doing other fundraisers. God also provided a commercial for me to work on that was paid, and I also got my first experience as being the production designer for a music video in October, I built my first set! It was so much work, but definitely worth it. I've already had other job offers to work on several projects through recommendations from the director I worked with.
When the fundraising wasn't going as well as I had hoped, I told God I needed him to provide by a certain date, or I wasn't going on the trip. I had already paid for half of the trip out of my own pocket to secure my spot, and I didn't have enough to pay for the rest of it. There were times I felt like I was being put through the ringer as I waited for the money to come in. I felt like God was going to leave me hanging after I had stepped out in faith, and ultimately I had to decide that I trusted him no matter what would happen. Whether he provided or not. I'm not sure that I executed that part as well as I would like to say haha, but I had always heard other people's stories of provision and I believed without a doubt it could happen to them, I just wasn't so sure in my own life. I thought maybe I was the exception to the rule, as lame as that may sound. It was like I was looking for all the reasons God was going to fail me instead of believing he would provide. I was angry with him before I even gave him a chance to prove himself. I didn't believe him. But praise God he chooses to extend grace and work on my behalf, despite my unbelief.
Before I could fall completely into despair, suddenly all of it started to come together; much thanks to my family and friends who decided to give towards my trip! I ended up receiving more than I needed, and was repaid for what I had paid out of pocket! God had proven to me that he would provide for me. And I could now crawl into my little hole I had dug feeling ashamed for ever doubting him, but not really haha. I'm starting to realize that I don't trust God as much as I sometimes think I do, but he is fighting for that trust, and for that I am thankful.
So December rolled around and I was still waiting to get scheduled at work. I was planning to go home to see my family for about 5 days the week before Christmas, but I hadn't been given a definite answer as to whether I would be able to have off work. Funny since I hadn't worked since Halloween. Nevertheless, after talking to my parents, I decided to quit my job and stay home an extra few weeks so I could go to Florida and Hilton Head with my family. I questioned whether I was making the right decision, but I'm glad I did. We had one of the best Christmases ever!
I finally got back to LA Monday night, and even though I hadn't been necessarily looking forward to coming back because of all the things I have to do before I leave for Bangkok, (it's crazy that I leave in less than a week!!) I feel at home here. As crazy as this city is, this is where I feel most at peace and most like myself. I wish with everything in me that my family could be here too, but it's just not the season yet.
2011 definitely proved to be a year of trials and transitions for me. I'm thankful for the ways God encouraged me throughout the year to keep going and keep chasing after my dreams, because I feel that 2012 holds the fulfillment of many of them, the biggest one being to travel the world. I never thought it would happen so soon, but I guess I'm not really surprised either. I've wanted to travel the world ever since I can remember, and I've gotten to do that a bit over the years, but never to the extent that I would like.
So first off is Bangkok! I will be there for 10 days working with a team through Tapestry International, ministering to former victims of sex trafficking, through prayer ministry, a painting class, financial teaching, and whatever else we're needed for! I'm so excited for what God has in store, and I feel like I'm going to get an even greater glimpse into his heart of love for the oppressed and the broken. Bringing justice to the oppressed and freeing the captives is something that has been on my heart for a long time, something that I have prayed for ever since I can remember, and I'm excited to finally put feet to my prayers!
After Bangkok, for a few months Colton and I will be heading to Europe for our own Euro tour! It's something I always thought would be fun, but never really dreamed of doing. And now I am so excited!! We're planning on backpacking through Spain, France, Italy, and Greece, couchsurfing and doing workaways, trying to travel as cheaply as possible. I'm excited for the adventure and somehow I feel God is present in our desires to see the world. We went to Disney's Epcot a few weeks ago and I felt the excitement stirring even more to travel the world. I just kept thinking how God must have had so much fun creating so many different people who would be apart of their own different cultures and express creativity in so many different ways. It's such a beautiful picture and I can't wait to experience more of it!
That's just a brief glimpse into this next year and already I have a feeling 2012 is going to be one big adventure. It feels like there is a grand orchestrating of our lives taking place. And I know God is constantly moving and guiding our steps, but I'm hoping this year all the little puzzle pieces of my life will finally start to come together to form this bigger picture God has in mind so I can finally see it and say that my life makes sense :) It will be like the biggest "aha" moment when suddenly I realize that everything that has happened was for a reason bigger than I could have ever imagined. I've had glimpses, but now I'm hoping for the big picture...
I can totally relate to feeling like you might be the "exception to the rule" ...such a head game I allow myself to play. Then He provides for me and I see the reality of how boxed in I truly have Him. Not good.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I cannot wait to hear about your trip (s).
xoxo